Try Jesus, Not My Opay
No, I won't be taking care of you.
You might think you're someone's boyfriend, but you're really just a penis attached to an ATM.
“So, you don't take care of your partner?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, like bills. If they have something to pay, you won't pay it for them?”
I'm not really experienced at romance, as I've only been in one serious relationship. I've never dated anyone for longer than a year, and I'm not one to get into multiple situationships like people are wont to do. So this leaves me in the peculiar situation where I never really experience any of the dramatic things men today take for granted.
So, imagine my shock when, while talking to someone on the phone, I learned that they have a certain standard. This standard, they imply, is that their partner should take on their responsibilities as part of his job in the relationship.
“I used to date someone, and he took care of me really well.”
“What do you mean by take care?”
“He bought me things and did so many things for me.”
In all honesty, I believed people who spoke about these things exaggerated them—or were just stupid people who were being taken for a ride by enterprising women.
But this was someone who seemed really honest and yet had these ridiculous ideas about what a relationship should be.
“Well, I'm not averse to spending on a partner. When I go out on dates, I pay for everything. I buy gifts too and give little tokens that tell them I'm thinking of them.”
“But no bills? Like if they want to make their hair and do their nails, they cannot text you and tell you to sort it?”
“Why would they?”
At first, I believed it was a joke, or some sort of shit test people have for partners. A sort of gimmick where women find out how much of a fool you are. But as the conversation went on, I realized the horrid truth. This person was seriously gauging my willingness to do something for them financially. It was a serious leg of their consideration. I couldn't see them, but I could see the wheels of logic turn in their heads. So how much will I get from you, they seemed to be thinking.
I, on the other hand, couldn't believe I'd somehow found myself in this crazy conversation.
“But you have to take care of your partner now. Won't you do anything for them?”
“Well, I'm not into fraud, and I'm not wealthy. So I don't think I'm ready to take on anyone's bills right now. Other guys may do that, but I don't.”
“Hmm, okay.”
But the prospect of paying someone's bills wasn't the only thing that put me off this conversation. The real thing that put me off is that this position is even bad for the person being provided for or being taken care of.
Having a wealthy partner who pays your bills introduces a new dynamic into the relationship. If my girlfriend paid my bills, for instance, I would be extra careful not to annoy her. I would overlook many of her lapses because of the material comfort she brings me. The funny thing is I might not even behave this way consciously. Even if I didn't want to, my subconscious would realize that this person was my meal ticket, and I would reduce myself for her.
The dynamic would be even worse on her side, as she would understand the power she had over me, and she would, as human nature dictates, take advantage of that.
Consider an instance where I paid my girlfriend's rent. Would I be out of place to ask for an extra key to the place?
I remember one night, while hanging out with a friend in an apartment paid for by her boyfriend, when she told me to leave as soon as her boyfriend could stop by unannounced. After all, he had a key. Now, I wasn't doing anything wrong. This was a friend I'd known for over a decade. But how easy would it be to explain that to a man paying the rent?
If your sustenance (or even a marked increase in your living standards) is dictated by your partner, you are not in a real relationship. It's a job. And sometimes you love your job, and sometimes you hate it, but you'd never leave your job if you didn't have a better one lined up.
The danger with this sort of attitude towards relationships is that the person being taken care of is always in need of more taking care of. The same way you're always looking out for a better job with better pay is the same way women who have these ideals are always looking for better men with deeper pockets.
It's a thoroughly dehumanizing position for any man to hold, but many men hold this position gleefully.
“I even met one boy—he told me that he didn't want to have a relationship, but he would take care of me. But I wanted a relationship, so I didn't date him.”
Lots of men have made the same promise to women. I feel it's more honest to get a prostitute. At least you know what you're getting.
So, no, I won't be taking care of a partner. Responsible adults should be able to do that themselves. And if they can't—well, tough luck. Time to get a better job.
Well, what the lady said is nothing new, women since the dawn of human time have always depended on Men to get their needs and wants met. They are resource extractors. See, nature from time immoral has always been a bitch (still is), and the reality of our harsh evolutionary past demanded this. Men were the stronger sex, and the responsibilities of provisioning and protection falls upon their shoulders, and men who could perform were rewarded with vagina from the female folks. We are the descendants of men who performed and rise above their burden of performance.
Women demanding provisioning and resources from in order to get sexual access is a tale as old as time, but the issue with modern women is that their hypergamous nature has no limits. Whereas in the past, the average woman used to be somewhat realistic of her position in the social and beauty hierarchy, which reflected in their standards, today's women have an overinflated sense of self worth and an overblown ego. The rise of social media, and with it success porn is a major factor for the cause of this issue. An average woman from the comfort of her home in ikorodu can see the luxurious lifestyle of a multimillionaire and the chicks he frolics with on Instagram and now believes she also deserves similar treatments, and can go on to be delusional in her expectations.
Modern women need to be brought back to reality before it's too late, and made to see not all of them can demand top Men, majority of them are average in beauty, social status and there's nothing wrong in getting with their average male counterparts. In doing so, they might be able to build something worthwhile.
It's that way around the world because men acknowledged it. They gave in to the role they should have forfeited all in the name of finding a suitable partner. I know for sure that if men begin to reject that ideal, the next generation would be better than this.