I, too, have an existential crisis about growing older. I used to think I was weird. On my birthdays I'm barely able to get a smile on my face. I'm 25, and with the slow onward ticking of time, the onset of aging (my hairline has begun a campaign), I'm no longer in confusion about the way I feel. At the base of this myriad of emotions is the unconscious fear of death, a realization that brings a strange sort of clarity.
I turned 26 on the 7th and I honestly cannot believe my eyes. Yes, people call me uncle here and there, 'sir' occasionally, but me, I do not feel 26, at least not in my mind. I ended a relationship of over 4 years just before I turned 25, and since then I've become quite the philosopher. I've gone on to witness more fortune in terms of money, but God knows I've forgotten what being in love feels like, or how to get into it lol. This is the mid-life crisis they tell us about.
i understand you totally. but here’s where you miss it elewa: to “have” — whether love, success, beauty, — is to be alive. life is fundamentally suffering, but life isn’t just a contract to minimize suffering. it’s not utilitarian math where zero-sum equations determine value. it is qualitative, not just quantitative. a person who “has had” and lost has tasted something eternal. even if it ends, the experience leaves a mark of depth.
people can recover from grief. but regret—that gnawing absence, the knowledge that one never tried, never felt, never dared—is a ghost that haunts more viciously than sorrow ever could.
the widow can close her eyes and remember the warmth. retired ronaldo and iniesta can replay the cheers of the crowd. the broken-hearted can still quote the lines they once whispered. but the person who never dared to leap? they sit in the silence of “what could have been.”
your statement assumes that if you never had, you don’t lose. false. you lose the possibility of the peak experience. you live in a narrower emotional range. it is not a pain-free alternative — it is an empty one.
living a life so “safe” that you never burn also means you never shine.
The topic of aging has always caused me great anxiety and worry too. Every birthday feels like a reminder that I am inching closer to the grave. What makes it worse is that, unlike my peers, I have not experienced the joys and pleasures of life. I have never had my ego stroked, I have never had the pleasure of slowly and guiltily eating the forbidden fruit (wink wink), I have never received the senseless reassurances of someone that I love.
I share your pain, Elewa. I may not know you well enough to truly care about your feelings, but I believe I understand.
So instead of getting a job that pays well, you started a twitter the berate the intelligence of "the blacks", glaze white men and abuse nigerians. No sense of awareness.
I, too, have an existential crisis about growing older. I used to think I was weird. On my birthdays I'm barely able to get a smile on my face. I'm 25, and with the slow onward ticking of time, the onset of aging (my hairline has begun a campaign), I'm no longer in confusion about the way I feel. At the base of this myriad of emotions is the unconscious fear of death, a realization that brings a strange sort of clarity.
I turned 26 on the 7th and I honestly cannot believe my eyes. Yes, people call me uncle here and there, 'sir' occasionally, but me, I do not feel 26, at least not in my mind. I ended a relationship of over 4 years just before I turned 25, and since then I've become quite the philosopher. I've gone on to witness more fortune in terms of money, but God knows I've forgotten what being in love feels like, or how to get into it lol. This is the mid-life crisis they tell us about.
Elewa, of course death would cost alot of money, however not to you
What a relief.
i understand you totally. but here’s where you miss it elewa: to “have” — whether love, success, beauty, — is to be alive. life is fundamentally suffering, but life isn’t just a contract to minimize suffering. it’s not utilitarian math where zero-sum equations determine value. it is qualitative, not just quantitative. a person who “has had” and lost has tasted something eternal. even if it ends, the experience leaves a mark of depth.
people can recover from grief. but regret—that gnawing absence, the knowledge that one never tried, never felt, never dared—is a ghost that haunts more viciously than sorrow ever could.
the widow can close her eyes and remember the warmth. retired ronaldo and iniesta can replay the cheers of the crowd. the broken-hearted can still quote the lines they once whispered. but the person who never dared to leap? they sit in the silence of “what could have been.”
your statement assumes that if you never had, you don’t lose. false. you lose the possibility of the peak experience. you live in a narrower emotional range. it is not a pain-free alternative — it is an empty one.
living a life so “safe” that you never burn also means you never shine.
Pasta man, can't wait to see how your newsletter reads at 35.
I felt like this when I was 25. My therapist called it mid-life crisis. Guess what, I moved past it.
I hope he does too
The topic of aging has always caused me great anxiety and worry too. Every birthday feels like a reminder that I am inching closer to the grave. What makes it worse is that, unlike my peers, I have not experienced the joys and pleasures of life. I have never had my ego stroked, I have never had the pleasure of slowly and guiltily eating the forbidden fruit (wink wink), I have never received the senseless reassurances of someone that I love.
I share your pain, Elewa. I may not know you well enough to truly care about your feelings, but I believe I understand.
You'll probably live to be 90. Just your rotten luck.
So instead of getting a job that pays well, you started a twitter the berate the intelligence of "the blacks", glaze white men and abuse nigerians. No sense of awareness.
Hugs 🫂
Your friend is right but can he? Can you? Can i? Old age is futile!